A Christian couple that has been seriously dating for some time will inevitably need to discuss finances at some point. While such a couple will probably know verses like Ecclesiastes 10.19 … money answers everything, they will also know that God does not want us to put our trust in money but in Him. Too much emphasis on money leads to dissatisfaction (Ecclesiastes 5.10) and the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil (1 Timothy 6.10).
Having said that, different couples will have different financial situations. As a couple becomes closer, they may discover when sharing (preferably before marriage!) that the woman is earning more than the man. In such an instance, does such a discovery call for an immediate breakup? A change of job for one of the earners? Or, what if the man does not even have a job? Can the couple simply exercise some maturity?
A key aspect of earning more is the perception or probability that one will provide more. As such, put another way, does God mind who provides more? What can we learn from the Bible? Here are some points worth considering:
1, God is our ultimate provider
God is Jehovah-Jireh our provider (Genesis 22.14). He provides for us holistically, and in all ways (Philippians 4.19), in both the visible and hidden needs (Psalm 121.6). And it’s not a struggle for Him to provide; the world is His and everything in it (Psalm 50.12). Rather than putting pressure on any one spouse to provide, God is calling us to look to the one who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think… (Ephesians 3.20).
2, We all have a role to play in providing to others
Galatians 6.10 calls us to do good to all, whenever we can, and especially to assist fellow Christians. 1 Timothy 5.8 is especially charging family members of the same household to provide for each other. The verse looks particularly at the need for grown children to provide for their widowed mothers. Proverbs 31.13-31 reflects upon a woman who has her household under control, gives to those in need, and still has time for business ventures that support the family financially.
3, The key role for a husband is leadership… but making provisions has its place
Ephesians 5.23-24 explains that ‘the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the Head of the Church…, and as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything’. Put another way, a husband’s role is to lead his household; he sets the standard that he wants his family to live by. Part of leadership is walking the talk or leading by example. In John 13.15, Jesus tells the disciples that he has set an example for them to follow (being to wash one another’s feet).
Similarly, in Matthew 20, verses 25-28, Jesus explains that being a leader does not include bossing over others; rather, whoever desires to be great must serve. He again provides the example that He came, not to be served, but to serve. As such, part of serving the family, and part of setting a good example, is to provide financially. However, we see that it is not the husband’s job alone to provide for the family.
Having said that, getting engaged to a man who does not have a job, is not looking for a job, quits his job intending to rely on his wife after marriage, etc.; this is not wisdom as such a man cannot set a good example for any family member through such actions. In such an instance, it may be better for a Godly couple to return to the Lord and confirm from Him should be done in such circumstances, whether to continue to date or part ways.
To conclude, a higher earning fiancée is not the issue, the issue is whether the couple can respect the God given role that the husband is to have in leadership over the wife, in spite of their finances. A loving couple will work together to find the financial fit for their home, taking into account other important factors such as child raising, etc., and not remain intent on forcing one partner or another to earn a certain amount of money.