The book ‘Christian Dating in a Godless World’, was written by Rev. Thomas. G. Morrow. He graduated from St. Charles seminary in Philadelphia and was ordained in 1982 for the Archdiocese of Washington (DC). He has hosted radio programs in TV shows and written several books.
In this summary of Chapter 5, Living A Christian Courtship, Rev. Thomas G. Morrow shares with us that, it is possible to have a Christian courtship in the twenty-first century. It is still possible to live chastely without a great struggle every day, even if you haven’t in the past. He states that chastity is the habitual moderation of the sexual appetite in accord with right reason. Reverend Morrow advises that it’s not just the regulation of behaviour, which would be self-control, but of the very desires that lead to sexual behaviour.
How to Live Chastely
Reverend Morrow asks the question; how does a person develop the virtue of chastity so that he or she habitually lives without a struggle? He answers that chastity is not something you can arrive at without considerable prayer and effort, and to live chastely requires a strong spiritual life. The writer states that you can employ several methods to use effectively the grace received from spiritual exercises to develop chastity.
The Reverend explains that the human or sexual appetite can be very persistent. He gives the example of Apostle Paul’s very human struggle in Rom.7:19, 22-24:
For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do,
For I delight in the law of God, in my inmost self,
but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am!”
The writer states that when it comes to sexual appetite, you must find a way to “convince” it to obey reason and not the senses or the imagination.
Taming the Senses and Tempering the Imagination
Reverend Morrow advises that as the appetite listens to the senses, a person must be careful about what he looks at or what she watches, because viewing sexually explicit movies or pornography, or even focusing on provocatively dressed members of the opposite sex is poisoning, if you are seeking chastity.
He further advises that when you become aware of an impure thought, immediately try to substitute another wholesome thought, and take the advice from one of the great people, St. John Vianney, who said: say the name of Jesus repeatedly in your heart. An uninvited impure thought is not sinful, but once you will its continuation, sin enters in. As Jesus pointed out, you can sin seriously in the heart as well as the body,’ says Rev. Morrow, referring to Matthew 15:18-19.
The Values of Chastity
Rev. Morrow states that to survive chastely in this world, you must be completely convinced, mind and heart, of the benefits of chastity.
He provides the following as some of the benefits of a chaste life that one can remind themself about, so as to alleviate any interior resentment and find peace:
- Our personal love relationship with Jesus Christ is kept intact. To violate chastity freely and knowingly is to destroy that relationship with the Lord, a relationship that is our source of happiness and our only means of salvation. To destroy that is a huge price to pay for a few moments of pleasure.
- Upholding the sacredness of sex makes it more special. The Rev. Morrow explains that, sex is so sacred that it belongs only in marriage. By living chastely, you avoid trivializing sex as something merely recreational, so that when you do participate in it within marriage, you will experience its sublime dignity and transcendence. A further value is that by opting for chastity, you will be living up to your own human dignity as a person created in the image and likeness of God.
- Upholding the value of the person you are courting gives the person dignity. The author says by refraining from sexual activity, you are also able to uphold the value of the other person as a whole, rather than falling into the tendency to see the other as merely an object of enjoyment.
- Chastity allows for the development of other types of love during courtship. He further states that it is important to develop the most important types of love during courtship. Self-giving love (agape), friendship, and affection are the loves that hold a marriage together. They should be developed into habits while dating, so that by the time the marriage begins, and sexual relations are meant to come into play, these other less exciting but more fundamental loves will be almost second nature.
Rev. Morrow explains that couples who share sex together before marriage most likely, do not develop these more selfless loves as habits. Selfishness tends to creep in, as it so often does with anything so pleasurable as sex. Couples refraining from sex before marriage are far more likely to be willing to serve each other in agape and to be able to express their love by affection without always having to move into sex. Additionally, they are more likely to develop the common interests that lie at the heart of every good friendship. In fact, sexual involvement before marriage can hide the fatal flaw of a fundamental lack of friendship, which is so essential to a good marriage.
Dealing with the World
Rev. Morrow states that in order to avoid being dragged into the mess the world has created for dating, the first thing to do is establish how to share affection in courtship. He shares practical methods for couples to remain chaste, such as the Mega-Hugs courtship method, which has had lots of success.
Is Reform from Past Sins Possible?
The writer asks, is it possible for someone who has made mistakes in the past to begin to live chastely and do it successfully? Yes, absolutely, he answers! The devil would have us think, “You can never live chastely now, not after what you have done. And you can certainly never encourage others to do so, however, grace really does make you a “new creation in Christ” (2 Cor. 5:17), says Rev. Morrow.
A Strong Spiritual Life
Rev. Morrow says that you cannot live chastely without grace, and that our hearts are restless until they rest in God. You must have a strong commitment to be faithful to God and His will when you are courting. You have to be convinced that doing things God’s way will always bring you more happiness, as indeed it will. The Church wants you to receive each other from God, not from the world.
Practical Matters
The writer says that one thing that makes living chastely difficult is having a boring life. Many people struggle with chastity since they don’t have much enjoyment. To be bored with life is to become a prime candidate for temptation and sin. As such, Rev. Morrow emphasises the need to enjoy what you do.
Summary
As a recap, Rev. Morrow advises that chastity is:
- Living not according to urges, as animals do, but according to reason;
- Treating your sweetheart as a person worthy of love instead of falling into the tendency of seeing him or her as an object of use; and
- Building the more fundamental loves such as friendship, affection, and agape in courtship so that they will become habits by the time you marry.
Rev. Morrow concludes by saying that chastity may not be easy in our oversexed society, but with the grace that comes through taking the communion and through prayer, it is possible. Remember, he says, what we are ultimately seeking is not chastity for its own sake, but the kingdom. Chastity is very important, but it is not the most important thing. The most important thing is having a prayer life, a holy life, a life of worship; a love relationship with God that is so strong and so intimate that it will make living chastely easy.
For more information on the book:
Sophia Institute Press Box 5284, Manchester
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names:
Morrow, T. G., author. Title: Christian dating in a godless world / T.G. Morrow.
ISBN 978-1-622823-123 www.SophiaInstitute.com